Grandparent, magic and wisdom

It is a special time for our family, Papa and Gran are with us from Scotland. They will be staying with us for 4 weeks. Bug and Gran have been lost in a fairy world - Gran's ability to enter this world completely is an inspiration to me. Looking at them playing on the swings together makes me think that they are more like sisters than Grandaughter and Grandmother. Papa and Gran this week have been the stars in plays, the audience for endless ballet routines, football players and wonderful dish washers!

This is a big learning time for me; adjusting to being a bigger family while letting go of judging myself as a mother through the eyes of others. I am also hoping that some grandparent, magic and wisdom will seep into my soul over the coming month. When I felt frustrated about JJ's anger and behaviour today Gran just gently said "it will pass, just be thankful he is with you" reminding me how temporal life is.

Ducky Love

we have a couple of new additions to the family... pictures are better than words here :)

"Scare City"

My lovely friend sent me this

THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove::

Scare City ::When you buy into the *scarcity* principle, you live in "Scare City": a place where you're always afraid of coming up short.

In Scare City, you can't enjoy what you have -- you're too busy worrying about what you *don't* have. All the cups in Scare City are half empty.

Somehow, young children are largely immune to the distressing effects of living in Scare City... They enjoy the abundant *now* while their parents worry about the lack of time.

They transform their homes into magical worlds while their parents worry about the lack of order.

They give and receive love endlessly while their parents carefully ration their limited supply.

To live the Good Life, you have to leave Scare City and go to a *dance* -- a joyful, magical, healing dance where you release your fears and *shake your booty* like nobody's watching:
a-BUN-dance! Are you willing to do A BUN DANCE with your child? :-)

http://dailygroove.net/scare-cityFeel free to forward this message to your friends!(Please include this paragraph and everything above.) Copyright (c) 2008 by Scott Noelle

I am willing!

What a joy it is to be a mother

Motherhood is truely a wonderful experience. You can move through the whole spectrum of emotions without even leaving the house! I am constantly amazed at how much there is to it and how crunchy it is. I feel like I have travelled miles and miles inside and delighted to find myself at new and unexpected places.

We have had a busy unschooling week... hanging out with friends, clowns, ducks, dogs and slugs. Visiting the river, Hare Krishna farm, park and library. There has been huge amounts of play, conflict and resolution, giggles and tears. Baking cookies, making juice from our oranges, reading and putting in seedlings.

I have enjoyed doing the finishing touches to my book in my spare moments and now just needing to create some financial abundance for publishing...

Juicy love and co-sleeping

The days are divine at this time of the year and it warms my heart to be a family togther again. A little challenging for me finding ways to be with Bug again while she processes the last 2 weeks. I guess I was prepared for her feeling down and soft but she is exactly the opposite. Frantic for stimulation, wanting friends over, sleep overs, being very vocal and strong with her voice. Quite a change from gardening with JJ and looking at lady bugs! She is pushing me away or demanding my attention and I am reeling a little. I want to support her in the best way that I can so am trying to really feel into it. The JJ is finding his rhythm again after having 1 on 1 time with me phew it is like being pulled in 2 directions.

I am finding that we connect during the night while we sleep, which is very healing for me. We are just a tangle of cuddles and I keep waking up to soft words of I love you Mama. Co-sleeping is really wonderful :)

Being together again

After being apart for over 2 weeks our family is back together again. Processing everything and finding a way to be with it all. Life is constant motion and it takes my breath away. It is powerful for me to experience this grief through Bug and Willow's eyes and more real to me.

Here are a few moments from Bug's journey to Scotland with her Dad to be with our family in their time of grief.

Peace

I have travelled a long and winding road these last days and I am amazed to find a place of peace, waiting for me. It is tucked inside, keeping me warm and safe....

I am almost used to making a pot of tea for one now and I have nearly stopped wandering around Bugs room touching her precious things and clothes.

Today we picked some sweet corn from the garden, steamed it and then ate it on the trampoline.

JJ made a playdough machine today which he wants to leave on the table for Dad to see when he gets home... I took a picture just in case some tidy person comes and pack it away.

Going very gently

Where to start.....

So much has happened since my last post I wondered if I should keep going with this blog. I am almost feeling up to writing some of this down. I will go gently about it and see how I go.

Our family has suffered a terrible loss, someone very dear to us has died suddenly.

Bug and Willow have flown to Scotland to comfort those who need them. JJ and I have been going very gently, grieving together for our loved ones and missing the other half of us.

JJ and I have been watching the clouds float across the sky. We have been marvelling at all of the birds in our garden when we are still enough to notice them. Flying high on the swing, laying on the trampoline watching darkness come. Staying for ages at the park and drinking fresh juice together. We have been laughing, singing and crying. Planting special things in the garden in memory of a very special boy.

JJ wondered where Bug and Willow's shadows were when we were out walking, we miss their shadows.

Coming from a place of love

If I had anxiety about Bug learning to read and write without being 'taught' it has left me just now. I am amazed at what can be achieved when one comes from a place of love. Bugsy has never show much interest in writing generally and I have tried to let go of it's importance and relevance in her 5 year old world. This morning though Dada came home from an all night shift nursing and Bug wanted to cuddle him until he fell asleep. When he was settled into sleep she decided he wanted to leave him a note in case he woke up and she had gone. We sat down togther and she composed a letter herself.... "dear dad, I have gone. I might be at a homeschooling meet up when you wake up. I love you. Bug." She had a reason to write something so she did and her motivation was to share her love. Dada has it in his hand now as he sleeps :)